I didn’t always have the same problems that I have today. In fact when I look back on some of my younger days things seem pretty great compared to today. From what I’ve gone through I’ve learned that myself and most other people have anorexia brought on by some stressful event happening in their life, and it doesn’t have to be some typical life changing event like losing someone close to you or bullying, though it can be.
The problem might come upon you suddenly like it did for me, or it could happen gradually over weeks or months. Either way, once you’ve entered that jungle you are in a lot of trouble. The only way out is to hack and slash and fight for yourself until you start to see the bushes and vines thin and you can see the path again on the other side. When you get out too it doesn’t end there, you need to be careful that you have friends and supporters to guide you along or else you’ll fall back into that thick jungle and it is a very scary place to be, you could literally be dying and not even realize it.
I was watching a TV show the other day and there was a scene I could really identify with. The character had taken a drug and was wandering around the area where he grew up remembering all the nice memories of the place. Seeing everything through those drug-induced rose colored glasses it seemed beautiful. I guess in some ways Ana is like a drug, I felt a strong need to “do it” and I couldn’t really stop, I thought I was alright but really it was hurting me and I needed help. That is what happened in the show too. The guys friends came looking for him and found him wandering around, but we saw everything through their eyes. The area was rundown and dismal, there was garbage and abandoned factories and it was a horrible place, but the character didn’t see that from his perspective. In fact everything seemed just the opposite and he was happy.
I know from experience how it looks to be under ana’s spell and it will probably take more than just reading this to realize that things might not be as great as they seem. I hope that at least reading this someone might take a second look at things and maybe reach out to someone, or let someone in who has been trying to help and let them help you down that perilous path to getting better. It is a scary place to be and I am so thankful every day now to the people who helped me get to where I am now and believed in me. You know who you are and I love you