There are lots of things that happen to those of us who struggle with ana that the “normal” people wouldn’t understand and just overlook.
Some are mental; I have an ongoing flood of thoughts go through my head every day trying to convince me of different things. Thankfully, now, I have my own voice, speaking on my behalf and convincing me that I am OK and things are going to be alright, but it wasn’t always like that. Ana’s voice is there too, criticizing every decision, trying to make me weak and question everything and even though that voice is less prominent now it is still there nipping at my sanity.
Other problems are physical. Sometimes I get tired in the middle of doing normal things. I’ll be walking along and suddenly I’ll be so tired and have to stop and just rest and have something to eat. It is strange to other people when this happens. Things like fainting for no reason just aren’t something they would ever think about, but for me it is a part of my life. There are other problems too. If you spend some time with me you might notice that I’m always rubbing my eyes and blinking a lot or that I have trouble seeing things from time to time. This is because I suffer from floaters in my eyes. I see weird squiggly lines and black spots in my vision and it messes with me a lot. This started happening to me while I was struggling with ana and is something that I’ve had to deal with alongside of everything else. I don’t know if this trouble with my eyes was caused as a result of ana or if it would have happened anyway but it is a strange thing that I have to deal with every day.
When I’m relaxing with a book, or working on the computer the floaters invade. When I’m outside walking somewhere or inside trying to read a menu they strike. It is a strange thing to happen and it gets annoying but luckily it is not something that other people can see, just me, so I don’t have to explain it to people or have them judge me for it which I am really thankful for. It is annoying though and sometimes it feels like all the problems stack up at once and it makes me feel like it could be too much, so a little while ago I decided to see what could be done about it. I checked with my doctor who I am visiting every two weeks to monitor me and he said there are surgical options but they are pretty invasive and he didn’t recommend them for me. I decided to do the research on eye floaters myself online and found a lot of information and am starting the program. It really makes me feel good to be doing something to make myself better just like I do every day with the support of my friends and family to get over ana.
If you are also recovering and have issues, with your eyes or anything else, I totally recommend that you try to find ways to deal with those issues as well. Just don’t overdo things and get swamped. Take it slowly, once you feel comfortable with anas voice being restrained you can move on to something new. I think that voice will be with me my whole life or at least for a while yet, but I can deal with it and I know that what it says isn’t true and I have people who can help me.
Live life beautifully and keep your eyes shining with your smile for the world to see. I can do it and so can you so let’s believe in each other and get things done.
What things do you have to deal with? Let me know about what other things you deal with that other people might not know about, remember sharing is caring.