Is death really a motivator in recovery?
When I was anorexic, I knew I could die.
And it didn’t make a damn bit of difference.
My recovery has had absolutely zero to do with the fact that eating disorders such as anorexia and bulimia have the highest mortality rate of any mental illness. Yet I find that so many people rely on telling girls and boys that statistic in the hopes that it will hit home.
To be honest, for me, it just didn’t.
Obviously, I understood what the facts were; but when you’re locked into an Ana or Mia mentality, you simply don’t care.
Death?
Ha!
I was worried about being fat, ugly, unacceptable, unlovable, smart, perfect… who had time to worry about the Grim Reaper breathing down my chubby neck?
Tags: Ana, Anorexia, anorexic, Bulimia, death, die, Grim Reaper, mental illness, Mia, mortality rate, statistics
6 opinions for Is death really a motivator in recovery?
DG
Jun 4, 2008 at 10:41 am
Nope, not for me. It is too abstract. Just like how drug addicts or alcoholics usually don’t stop for that reason. I think we turn to recovery because we want to start feeling better and having our lives be about more than the addiction.
Diet Pepsi Girl
Jun 4, 2008 at 1:05 pm
Yes. When I was in my early teens and about to go into a residential treatment program for anorexia, my older brother asked me if I knew I could die. I said yes but I didn’t care. Then he asked me if I would rather be as sick as I was and live a dramatically shorter life, or live long and healthy. Of course, I said I’d rather be sick. To think I honestly didn’t care about dying! At that point, I didn’t see the need to go on suffering like I was. Sad.
mon
Jun 5, 2008 at 7:00 pm
at my lowest point, i was actually hoping id die, or maybe not.
it was kinda crazy
i had a boyfriend who had cancer. i was with him at every second of it. so i was actually using my anorexia to get worse if he got worse, or better if he got better. i know, sounds weird and stupid. i was so much with him in it, i wanted him to feel good and supported. of course i didnt do the ed-control thing on purpose. but that was actually my plan, i couldnt bear the fact of living without him.
he died 3 days after i was checked in to ip treatment, i dont know what happened but my mind changed. then i wanted to live, he wanted so bad to be alive, and there i was, throwing my life away, i felt so stupid, SO stupid.
and here i am today, making every day another step forward to kicking ed´s ass.
Isa
Aug 28, 2008 at 6:48 am
Yeah, that never worked for me either.
I also struggle with extremely severe depression… so anytime anyone ever said, “This could kill you,” my response was simply, “Good. I want to die.”
Luna
Aug 28, 2008 at 8:59 pm
It is a motivator to continue I think. When you feel this pain and have this mentality, you wish you would die, it’s like a suicide, only its’ sort of natural because you do not actually kill yourself with force. Your on edge of it. I think instead of saying to girls with eating disorders that they can die if they continue, they rather should say you will be sad forever and get sadder and sadder each day, and your life will just be ruined, but you will live on this way. Death is like a perminent vacation spot.
sara
Aug 28, 2008 at 10:57 pm
I’m struggling with bulimia and I really feel what you’re saying here. Everyone expects you to care that you’re hurting yourself. What they forget is that you probably have a somewhat-warped sense of yourself and a low amount of respect for your body if you are anorexic or bulimic in the first place.
Have an opinion? Leave a comment: