Ah, the sounds of vomiting…
My husband and I joke about the way he vomits when he’s sick.
It’s almost unbelievable. The sounds emanating from our bathroom remind me of a dinosaur’s roar: “AHHHHHHHHHH!” I have to applaud him — and chuckle a little after he’s finished – because he gets it all out immediately and usually feels better very soon.
I, on the other hand, hack and hack and hack. I cough. I heave. I wheeze. I pant. My style of puking is far less interesting. It’s also not very efficient, unlike hubby’s “once and done” method.
Okay, so where is this all going?
[One place — down the toilet. (ha ha — that was a stupid joke…)]
Really, it’s heading into a bathroom discussion with me asking a few questions for all the folks who have danced with Mia (a.k.a., bulimia.)
I’m wondering if you ever worried about people hearing you throw up, or if you became immune to caring about such things?
As someone who never engaged in much self-induced regurgitation beyond a few “trial gags” in my Ana youth, I can’t imagine how tough it would be to hide something like bulimia from those with whom you live, play and/or work.
But maybe after a while you just don’t give a crap and figure that it’s better to vomit and have people hear you than to allow yourself to binge and then not purge.
I don’t know… can you shine some light on this most unusual topic (or at least unusual for anyone other than those of us who have disordered eating pasts)?
(Please forgive the tongue-in-cheek nature of the beginnings of this discussion — I’m in a particularly silly mood, but I want to discuss this on a sincere level.)
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POSTED IN: Ana, Anorexia, Bulimia, Mia, eating-disorders
5 opinions for Ah, the sounds of vomiting…
Summer Jen
Jun 3, 2008 at 3:16 am
This is interesting for me too. I just ‘purged’ for my first time yesterday and it was strictly a trial run as well. I was determined to figure out how to do it- to know just in case. And it was horrible! i thought if this is how it is, how on earth do people hide it???
I would rather starve than let people hear me in the bathroom or know that i’ve purged… I fear the judgement of that.
Besides, I can make it look like i’m eating a normal amount. I can also NOT BINGE. If I can continue to not binge then I won’t have to purge.
Those are my thoughts…
mon
Jun 3, 2008 at 12:42 pm
fisrt of all, what up with summer jens comment? dude, u made it sound so normal, and its not. like why r u even contemplating knowing how to puke “just in case”? dont u have enough already? i REALLY dont want to be rude, but seriously, dont be silly girl, come on. dont u ever do it again. for me, id say bulimia was much, MUCH worse than anorexia.
ok so this isnt really about that
i started being anorexic, and after going inpatient treatment (gained weight, obviously) i became bulimic as well. i got to the point in which i didnt make a sound when i puked. so i could do it wherever i wanted to (restricted myself to bathrooms all the time, in case u thought otherwise). the thing is, the bingeing wasnt to pretty to look at, so i only binged if i was alone. id puke anything though, even if i hadnt binged
uh bulimia sucks so bad, im so glad ive stopped
Summer Jen
Jun 3, 2008 at 1:04 pm
Hi again, I’m sorry for sounding naive… you’re right it isn’t normal. i have this thought in my mind that’s telling me it IS normal and that’s why I’m here in the first place- something is going wrong in my life and i need a space to figure myself out, learn from others and get help before I make too many more mistakes.
mon
Jun 3, 2008 at 4:24 pm
im so sorry i didnt want to make u feel bad 8(
its just every time someone mentions like starting or trying out something so awful and destructive, i feel so bad, like if id tell them not to do it maybe theyll listen to me, as if id make a difference.
u know, i wouldnt want anyone to go through this(eating disorders) EVER, ANYONE.
i forget that when i was starting to show ed-ish behavior, i didnt listen to anyone, even though i knew i was doing something wrong.
it was my mind telling me it was normal and fine as long as i got where i wanted. so i understand u, and im sorry to act as if it were so easy to stop.
so sad.
S
Dec 2, 2008 at 3:09 am
At first, the noise I made was a problem and constant source of fear for me. Now? 5 years in, and I vomit without any use of my fingers/any other gagging tools, and if I drink enough fluids I can do it without a sound. I’ve thrown up in my boyfriend’s toilet (directly connected to the bedroom) numerous times without him ever suspecting a thing.
I guess I’m good at what I do :(
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