Do women with eating disorders blame mom?
I’ve met many gals who suffer from disordered eating (if not a full-blown ED such as anorexia nervosa or bulimia.) Many of them have terrible memories of their mothers. Some even blame their moms.
I can understand. I used to do that, too. But looking back with the eyes of a mommy, I can see what was going on. And I can take responsibility for my actions, even if my parents didn’t always do what parents “should”.
My question for you is: Do you (or did you) blame your parents for your eating disorder, your addictions, your obsessions, your anything?
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POSTED IN: Anorexia, Bulimia, eating disorder, moms, mothers, parenting, parents
9 opinions for Do women with eating disorders blame mom?
gabrielle
May 30, 2008 at 9:00 am
I absolutely place the blame on my mom for the poor eating habits that have taken me decades to break free from. Even today, we have to brace ourselves for visits to my parents house because there, eating her food = love and NOT eating her food (even though it is NOTHING you want or can really stomach any longer) = rejection.
Lulabelle
May 30, 2008 at 12:29 pm
I’ve been lurking here for a while-this post hit home. I blamed my mother for everything for a very long time (not necessarily my eating habits though). Once I became an adult, I realized that she did the best she could with what she had. Which was sorely lacking, but I also believe once you become an adult you have no one to blame but yourself. For example, she had terrible eating habits-a lot of processed food. I decided one day to longer eat the way I had been taught, and I’ve never been healthier.
angelique
May 30, 2008 at 2:02 pm
Gabrielle & Lulabelle:
First, thank you both for commenting. I think there’s a more complex discussion to be had on this topic.
I, too, come from a highly processed food background. I don’t think I had a fresh veggie until I was a teen… at least not at home. Pasta sauce came from a jar. Corn from a can. That sort of thing.
Today, my eating is so healthy compared to then. We have fresh salads all the time, fresh veggies and fruits available 24/7, et cetera. Our household is far from being sugar- and fat-free, but it’s pretty darn health-conscious.
I don’t blame my mother for my poor eating habits, though I wish she had taken better care of herself early in her life. Ironically, she’s now eating healthier than ever — and it’s a true blessing to see how that change has affected her.
Dev
May 30, 2008 at 3:21 pm
I have never and will never blame my mother for my poor choices. My mom, actually, is one of the strongest people I know. My dabbling into all the EDs I did, and subsequently my dysmorphic disorder I have now stems to my father because everything I ever did was in the hopes that if I looked a certain way maybe I would finally win his approval, and by association, his love. I don’t think blame is the right word either ~ I made my choices and I own them. But at the root of it all, he was a big reason. That being said, I did give up him a long time ago and became a lot healthier because of it.
gagravarr
Jun 2, 2008 at 11:29 am
yes. i do.
we were *never* allowed anything unhealthy when we were little. the only time we hand ‘junk food’ was at other kids birthday parties. this really cemented the “bad food” thing - not ‘you can have it occaisionally as part of a healthy diet’.
then there was the ” you are not leaving the table until you finish what’s on your plate” (- not ’stop when you’re full’) which left me sitting at an empty table for hours on end with food congealing in front of me.
and there was the “god look at me in that picture - i’m so fat”, and the “why would anyone want me like this, i’m so disgusting *sigh and take another helping* ”
now i have a little daughter, i give her the odd treat - not related to behaviour; she tells me when she’s had enough dinner, which i respect, and i still offer her a yoghurt/custard/fruit desert, regardless.
Gala
Jun 2, 2008 at 10:16 pm
no, no blame. but i know she’s (not actively) contributed. my mom has always been a little soft, but i know it’s because she doesn’t want to force me to eat. i appreciate that because forcing me to eat only makes me want to eat less and angrier.
my father used to make fun of me when i wouldn’t finish a meal, even in front of relatives in public. he still does, in a much more subtle way. i am very food sensitive. things that are too greasy or salty i just can’t eat. they weigh my stomach down and make me feel sick. when my cousin told me about my fathers comments, i was shocked. i hadn’t remembered any of that. i was diagnosed with anorexia infanta when i was one. i’m 17 and about 85 lbs. i’ve always been picky. i’ve always been small.
i also had the ‘no leaving until your plate is clean’ rule instituted and upheld until i was about 12. in case my parents try to bring it into effect again, i just take smaller portions so i don’t have to over eat (i do this as a preventative measure).
angelique
Jun 2, 2008 at 11:26 pm
Gala:
Wow… I have never heard of anorexia infanta. I’m guessing it means having anorexia nervosa as an infant? Please tell me more about this…
angelique
Jun 2, 2008 at 11:27 pm
gagravarr:
That type of extreme eating and labeling is just a recipe for disaster. I try not to use food as anything other than nourishment and, at times, a little treat. I mean, I want it to be pleasurable… but not the most pleasurable thing in life.
angelique
Jun 2, 2008 at 11:28 pm
Dev:
I plan on writing a post very soon about daughters and dads and eating disorders. Sounds like you’ll be able to contribute some thoughts to that discussion.
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