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Why I was very worried about thinspiration when I started writing for Breaking the Mirror

by angelique on May 8th, 2008

As most readers know, I have a disordered eating past (and present, at least from the viewpoint that I totally “get” eating disorders from both sides of the aisle.)  Therefore, I must confess that while I was extremely thrilled to be chosen as the Breaking the Mirror blogger back in December, I was terrified, too.

You see, my role involves looking at dozens of “thinspo” images every week.  I also peruse pro-ana and pro-mia sites ad nauseum, checking them out, seeing what the participants are saying and reporting back to you their messages.

The idea of being around all that thinspiration on a daily basis scared the feces out of me.  (Not literally, of course, for which I’m very grateful, but you get the point…)

I truly thought that there was a small, but real, chance that I would “fall” back into my old habits of eating… or not eating.  I was very, very scared.  Would I embrace Ana as though she were a long-lost love I should never have abandoned?  Would Mia charm me with her ways?  Or would I begin a pattern of bingeing that led to a new eating disorder?

As it’s turned out, knowledge has been very powerful for me. 

Although I’m still not happy about my body image, I’ve become less likely to define myself solely based on my appearance.

Am I still a disordered eater… or at least thinker…?  Yep.  And I’m fairly certain I’ll carry those tendencies with me until the day the Grim Reaper taps me on the shoulder and tells me it’s time to get out of the pool. 

But thankfully I’ve been spared the desire to get back on the merry-go-round world of having an active eating disorder.

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POSTED IN: Ana, Thinspiration, pro-Ana, pro-mia, thinspo