8 Things I’d Rather Do Than Get Weighed Today

by angelique on March 26th, 2008

8. Eat an octopus. Alive. Feisty. Angry. (The octopus, I mean.)

7. Watch a 24-hour marathon of “The Lawrence Welk Show”’s most polyester, white bread moments.

6. Enter a hip-hop dancing contest. (I cannot, repeat CANNOT, dance worth a p’tooty.)

5. Give eighteen smelly apes gynecological exams… without sedation for any of us.

4. Spend a day with any of the political candidates. (Sorry, folks. This presidential election is a “write in” just for spite and out of disgust.)

3. Work in a box factory for 72-hours straight just making sure that the corregated cardboard fits nicely.

2. Chew on tin foil in a lightning storm while sitting under an umbrella that’s located beneath a large oak tree.

1. Read “Walden Two” again without grimacing or throwing the book across the room in frustration and horror.

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