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Face-to-Face with EDs: Q&A with Mary

by angelique on January 3rd, 2008

Now that I’m working here at Breaking the Mirror, I have the opportunity to trade stories with plenty of amazing colleagues.  One such person is Mary Emma Allen, better known as one of the writers at the popular, informative sites Alzheimer’s Notes and Home Biz Notes, as well as the main author of Quilting and Patchwork.

Like most successful individuals, it’s tough to imagine that she ever had trouble with an eating disorder, but, as the following interview shows, looks, age and lifestyle can be deceiving.  I hope you enjoy our conversation… and feel free to visit Mary Emma to thank her for being so wonderfully open and honest.

Breaking the Mirror (BtM):  What is your age range? 

Mary Emma Allen (MEA):  60’s

BtM:  Were you overweight as a child?  

MEA:  No, but I was heavier than some of my shorter, and I felt, prettier, friends.  However, I don’t think I felt I was heavy or overweight. 

BtM:  What led to your eating disorder?  How did it manifest itself?   

MEA:  I’m not sure how or why.  It was not anything I intentionally set out to do. 

It happened my freshman year in college, in 1956.   I had a hectic schedule attending college, [then] going home weekends to help on the family farm and my mom’s country grocery store.  I was rather shy and found it difficult to join social activities at college, but had no problem at my small hometown.  I didn’t miss the college activities though because I was working at home so much. 

So in the course of this, I lost weight and that summer I got together with some of my high school friends.  “Mary, you’ve lost weight,” one remarked.  “You look great.” 

Did that trigger something in my mind?  Did I subconsciously think “that much was great, more weight loss would be better”? 

At any rate, I began to watch more carefully what I ate instead of the hearty farm food we were used to. 

I got my weight down and kept it [down] until I graduated from college. This was the “Twiggy” era, when thinner began to be regarded as better.  Before that the girls with curvy figures were considered the more attractive.  We tried to copy the movie stars who weren’t fat, but weren’t skinny either. 

As I look back, I don’t think I really would consider it as an extreme disorder at that time.   

Eventually, after college graduation and marriage, in 1960, eating or not eating became an obsession.  I’m not sure why.  I was living in a different state, had a new job, found it difficult to meet people. 

Then my husband graduated from college and ROTC, and we went to Texas, far from NH, where he went through pilot training.  For the next several years, I continued to lose weight and my health deteriorated. I thought I was “fat” even when I weighed my lowest!   The doctors at that time didn’t know what was wrong with me… I don’t know that many had dealt with anorexia.  That wasn’t even a word we heard.   

BtM:  When did you realize you had an eating disorder?   

MEA:  I think I only realized I had an eating disorder when I heard of singer Karen Carpenter’s death and the news media said it was caused by anorexia.  As I read about her symptoms, I thought, “That’s what I had!”  By then I’d given birth to our daughter, had gained some weight and was in better health. 

BtM:  How did you overcome your ED?   

MEA:  After several doctors had run extensive tests and couldn’t find anything really wrong other than loss of weight, one said, “Have a baby.  That will straighten you out.”   

We did want a child and eventually I became pregnant (after hormone treatment, etc.)  I began to eat better because I didn’t want to harm the baby.  I didn’t gain much weight with the pregnancy but was nursing so didn’t dare stop eating well. 

Since then I’ve concentrated on being well for my family.  I eat well, but not to extremes.  Since anorexia, I’ve not been able to tolerate sweets in anything but small amounts.   

I guess, looking back, when I become stressed, upset, under pressure, I don’t eat, whereas some people crave what they call “comfort” foods.  I was stressed in college when this all began.  But it was me putting myself under stress with my hectic schedule and determination to have good grades. 

Anorexia is something I’ve had to watch all my life because it could easily control me again. 

The only way I can describe it: ”When anorexia gets you in its grasp, it’s very, very difficult to break loose.” 

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Again, all my thanks to Mary Emma for sharing her story. 

In the future, I’ll be conducting periodic Face-to-Face interviews with anorexics, bulimics, binge eaters, doctors, bloggers, friends/family of ED sufferers and mental health professionals.  If you have someone in mind (or if you’d like to be interviewed), let me know.

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